Those Who Do Not Learn From Their Mistakes ...

They say that the truth peeks its head out jest.  And one of my husband's running "jokes" is that although I have multiple degrees, I often don't "get" things.  At first, I laughed along.  After all, what fun is life if you cannot laugh at yourself?  And, let's face it, oftentimes it takes me a second or two to get a joke or to figure out how to put something together and my sense of direction blows.  I am often "literal," where "abstract" is the word of the day.  I get that.  But after 10+ years of being the butt of the "she doesn't get it" jokes, my laughter has dried up.

Case in point:  my birthday is coming up, so I compiled a list of things that I need, but am too cheap to buy for myself and sent the list to Big Bren.  At the top of the list is Microsoft Office for Mac.  Within seconds, he calls me and the coversation goes like this:  "I got your list.  Didn't you buy a copy of Microsoft Office a few months ago?"  "Yes, but that was for the PC."  "But it had multiple permissions, right?  And we only used one."  "Yes, but it was for the PC."  "How many permissions did it have?  Can't you use that?"  Sigh on my end, "No."  "You don't get what I'm saying.  You can be so dense sometimes."  Click.

I looked at the phone for a good minute, trying to decide what to do.  Should I let this go?  The more I considered letting it go, the angrier I got.  Soon, a blind rage filled my mind.  I dialed his number and called him a few choice names that were a lot worse than "dense."

Of course, the irony of it was that it was he who was not getting it:  I could have purchased 10 copies of Microsoft Word with 100 applications each -- the fact is that you cannot make software formulated for a PC load onto a MAC as they have two different platforms. 

Granted, I am extremely sensitive on the intelligence issue: during alcohol-fueled rages, my father would say that we - the three girls - didn't deserve his last name because we weren't "smart enough."  He would say that it was a waste to have so many "dumb" girls.  He could never remember what he'd said once the alcohol wore off, but even now, 30+ years later, I can still remember every single word.

My dad would argue that his words, however mean, had a motivating effect, because every one of us "dumb" girls have gone on to earn multiple masters' degrees and even doctorates.  However, aspiring to something and running away from something else are two different things altogether.  When I went to school, failing was not an option, because I knew that somewhere within my father, he expected me to and would be standing by to say "I told you so."

So to hear this man, whom I have vowed to spend the rest of my life with, pull out the "smart" card is like sticking a knife in a barely healed wound.  I truly wonder what has earned me this "dumb" label with him.  I am an attorney and a productive member of several professional associations, where I am often asked to organize events and chair continuing legal education programs.  I have authored chapters in a legal treatise.  I have published articles in parenting magazines.  I am an avid reader and am always trying to find ways to better myself.  When asked to describe me, not one person who knows me would utter the word "dumb."  So what exactly is it that I am not getting?  Could what they say be true that those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them?