You Will See It When You Believe It

I have been on the self-improvement path since 1995.  That was the year that one of my friends gave me Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, You Will See It When You Believe It.  Until that book, I had never ventured down the Self-Help aisle at the bookstore.  That book literally changed my life.  Well, for six weeks anyway.

You Will See It When You Believe It blew my mind.  What do you mean, we can change the trajectory of our lives with a single thought?  What do you mean that everything we are seeing in our lives right now is a consequence of what we have thought?  Suddenly, I knew my life could be better.  And knowing is a powerful thing.  I knew I could banish the seborrhea that had plagued me my whole life.  And, just like that, it was gone.  I knew I could find a wonderful boyfriend to keep me company in Buffalo.  The next day, I went to a doctor’s appointment and met the man I swore would be my future husband.  I knew I could find a job in New York City even though everyone claimed the job market was bad.  Within days, I met someone at the Minority Bar Association who liked me enough to forward my resume to a guy he went to school with, who just happened to be the Attorney General at the time.  

Life was peachy for six weeks.  Then, my chronic negative thinking kicked into overdrive.  I fell into fear.  “Yes, things are wonderful now, but how long can they last?  Girl, you know you’ve had a hard life; do you really think things are going to get easy for you now all of a sudden?  The seborrhea isn’t really gone, you know.  You probably just tried a shampoo that somehow put it into remission.  Do you honestly think an accomplished, rich, handsome, British guy is going to fall in love with you?? You’re poor.  And from Honduras.  You grew up in the projects.  Really?? “

And, just like that, the magic stopped.  My seborrhea reappeared.  That was my first indication that I had broken the chain of positive thought.  I tried desperately to mend it, but, that was just it – desperation – and desperation is a form of negativity, so the downward spiral continued.  Thankfully, I had already landed the job in New York City, so I was able to move.  But the job proved to be menial and boring.  The guy I met in Buffalo had also landed a gig as a medical intern in New York City, but he had decided (shortly after visiting me at my family home in the Bronx) that we were from different socioeconomic levels (no shit, Sherlock) and that it would never work out between us.

Since that book in 1995, I have had moments of pure magic; times when I can bypass my programming and create something amazing.  Those times are usually accompanied by the advent of another self-help book.  Somehow, reading another person’s journey and how they overcame adversity and negativity to put the Law of Attraction into motion motivates me enough to get me to the next level.  

In 1998, Iyanla Vanzant’s One Day My Soul Just Opened Up catapulted me out of the Attorney General’s office where I was fighting prisoners’ habeas corpus petitions for a pittance, to a law firm where I earned more money than both of my parents (and maybe a sister or two) combined.

In 2001, Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success convinced me that I could follow my dreams into the world of publishing.

In 2003, after I had slunk back to practicing law because I just couldn’t sustain the belief that I could be successful at writing and publishing, Dr. Dyer reappeared in my life withTen Secrets for Success and Inner Peace and I was able to leave litigation behind once and for all for the easier pace of insurance.  

In 2006, Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret got me out of Manhattan into my current gig closer to home in the suburbs.  I read it again in 2008, when my immune system turned against me and I was chronically ill for 8 straight months.  Simply chanting “I feel great.  I feel amazing.  My body is working exactly as it should,” was enough to make it so for a few hours at a time.

Just recently, I read Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen’s The Aladdin Factor.  It is less about the “magic” of manifestation, and more about getting focused on what you want – it’s surprising how many people don’t know what their heart’s desire is – and asking for it, sometimes over and over again, until you ask the right person.  The book utilizes sales principles – the power of numbers – to focus you on getting what you want.  If you ask 100 people, even if 99 say “no,” if you get that one person to say “yes,” you’ve attained nirvana.  It is such a simple proposition, but one that most people cannot master.  At one point, Canfield and Hansen say that people are crippled by the prospect of being embarrassed – of someone saying “no” to them, when the proper response to a “no” should be a loud internal “SO WHAT?  NEXT!”  

I have always known what God put me here to do.  I write.  I have a children’s book on my computer – all ready to go.  I have essays that could be published in magazines.  I have started to write a sci-fi book that everyone I’ve given the first chapters to loves.  I have at least five viable ideas for television shows.  Ask me how many of these writings I had sent out …  None.  The prospect of being rejected reduced me to a puddle of fear.  That fear had always kept me from asking even one person.  Suddenly, I realized that it didn’t matter if that person said no, someone would say yes.  And now I feel like I have been freed from my self-created prison.

Since reading the Aladdin Factor, I have let all my friends know about my writing projects.  I have asked for leads on getting my books published and getting my show ideas into the right hands.  Some friends have been extremely helpful, even directing me to their friends who may be able to help me.  Hallelujah!  Others have been apathetic.  SO WHAT? NEXT!  I obtained the contact information for two people in the television writing industry.  One woman responded to my e-mail requesting more information.  Yes!  The other ignored me altogether.  SO WHAT?  NEXT!  What matters is that I believe it now.  I truly do.  So I know that I will see it soon.  And knowing is a beautiful thing.