How to Turn Any Failure Into Success

I was transferring my list of contacts from one e-mail account to another when I saw something that made my stomach clench:  the list of agents to whom I had sent a query regarding my book "The Five Lives of Mimi."  It was not an extensive list -- about 10 people, but it was enough to sour my day and make me feel like a failure.

I quickly logged off the account and tried to occupy myself with something else.  But my mind kept going back to that list.  And the more I thought about it, the crappier I felt.

Fast forward a few hours and I come across this article:  How to Turn Any Failure into Success by Martha Beck.  Ms. Beck basically says that in order to appreciate success, one must first wallow through failure.  She talks about how -- sometimes -- the best reponse to a perceived failure is not "oh no!" but to say "oh well ..." and keep moving.  She provides an example from her own life about how her love of drawing turned to despair and loathing after an art teacher ordered her to draw only with a drafting pen in his class.  Having never been exposed to the instrument before, she simply could not get it to work the way she wanted it to.  Of course, after thousands of tries, she learns to draw with the pen and creates an award-winning work of art.

I know I am missing something in my quest to get Mimi published.  I am obviously not using the right words to pique the agents' interest or not approaching the right people.  (Or, as my friend Katia and I sometimes discuss, it may simply be a matter of waiting for divine timing.)  Whatever it is, that "failure" is sticking in my craw.  I hate it.  But until I get over it and unless I keep sending those letters not knowing whether I will get the courtesy of a response, I will never know the sweet taste of success.

You Will See It When You Believe It

I have been on the self-improvement path since 1995.  That was the year that one of my friends gave me Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, You Will See It When You Believe It.  Until that book, I had never ventured down the Self-Help aisle at the bookstore.  That book literally changed my life.  Well, for six weeks anyway.

You Will See It When You Believe It blew my mind.  What do you mean, we can change the trajectory of our lives with a single thought?  What do you mean that everything we are seeing in our lives right now is a consequence of what we have thought?  Suddenly, I knew my life could be better.  And knowing is a powerful thing.  I knew I could banish the seborrhea that had plagued me my whole life.  And, just like that, it was gone.  I knew I could find a wonderful boyfriend to keep me company in Buffalo.  The next day, I went to a doctor’s appointment and met the man I swore would be my future husband.  I knew I could find a job in New York City even though everyone claimed the job market was bad.  Within days, I met someone at the Minority Bar Association who liked me enough to forward my resume to a guy he went to school with, who just happened to be the Attorney General at the time.  

Life was peachy for six weeks.  Then, my chronic negative thinking kicked into overdrive.  I fell into fear.  “Yes, things are wonderful now, but how long can they last?  Girl, you know you’ve had a hard life; do you really think things are going to get easy for you now all of a sudden?  The seborrhea isn’t really gone, you know.  You probably just tried a shampoo that somehow put it into remission.  Do you honestly think an accomplished, rich, handsome, British guy is going to fall in love with you?? You’re poor.  And from Honduras.  You grew up in the projects.  Really?? “

And, just like that, the magic stopped.  My seborrhea reappeared.  That was my first indication that I had broken the chain of positive thought.  I tried desperately to mend it, but, that was just it – desperation – and desperation is a form of negativity, so the downward spiral continued.  Thankfully, I had already landed the job in New York City, so I was able to move.  But the job proved to be menial and boring.  The guy I met in Buffalo had also landed a gig as a medical intern in New York City, but he had decided (shortly after visiting me at my family home in the Bronx) that we were from different socioeconomic levels (no shit, Sherlock) and that it would never work out between us.

Since that book in 1995, I have had moments of pure magic; times when I can bypass my programming and create something amazing.  Those times are usually accompanied by the advent of another self-help book.  Somehow, reading another person’s journey and how they overcame adversity and negativity to put the Law of Attraction into motion motivates me enough to get me to the next level.  

In 1998, Iyanla Vanzant’s One Day My Soul Just Opened Up catapulted me out of the Attorney General’s office where I was fighting prisoners’ habeas corpus petitions for a pittance, to a law firm where I earned more money than both of my parents (and maybe a sister or two) combined.

In 2001, Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success convinced me that I could follow my dreams into the world of publishing.

In 2003, after I had slunk back to practicing law because I just couldn’t sustain the belief that I could be successful at writing and publishing, Dr. Dyer reappeared in my life withTen Secrets for Success and Inner Peace and I was able to leave litigation behind once and for all for the easier pace of insurance.  

In 2006, Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret got me out of Manhattan into my current gig closer to home in the suburbs.  I read it again in 2008, when my immune system turned against me and I was chronically ill for 8 straight months.  Simply chanting “I feel great.  I feel amazing.  My body is working exactly as it should,” was enough to make it so for a few hours at a time.

Just recently, I read Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen’s The Aladdin Factor.  It is less about the “magic” of manifestation, and more about getting focused on what you want – it’s surprising how many people don’t know what their heart’s desire is – and asking for it, sometimes over and over again, until you ask the right person.  The book utilizes sales principles – the power of numbers – to focus you on getting what you want.  If you ask 100 people, even if 99 say “no,” if you get that one person to say “yes,” you’ve attained nirvana.  It is such a simple proposition, but one that most people cannot master.  At one point, Canfield and Hansen say that people are crippled by the prospect of being embarrassed – of someone saying “no” to them, when the proper response to a “no” should be a loud internal “SO WHAT?  NEXT!”  

I have always known what God put me here to do.  I write.  I have a children’s book on my computer – all ready to go.  I have essays that could be published in magazines.  I have started to write a sci-fi book that everyone I’ve given the first chapters to loves.  I have at least five viable ideas for television shows.  Ask me how many of these writings I had sent out …  None.  The prospect of being rejected reduced me to a puddle of fear.  That fear had always kept me from asking even one person.  Suddenly, I realized that it didn’t matter if that person said no, someone would say yes.  And now I feel like I have been freed from my self-created prison.

Since reading the Aladdin Factor, I have let all my friends know about my writing projects.  I have asked for leads on getting my books published and getting my show ideas into the right hands.  Some friends have been extremely helpful, even directing me to their friends who may be able to help me.  Hallelujah!  Others have been apathetic.  SO WHAT? NEXT!  I obtained the contact information for two people in the television writing industry.  One woman responded to my e-mail requesting more information.  Yes!  The other ignored me altogether.  SO WHAT?  NEXT!  What matters is that I believe it now.  I truly do.  So I know that I will see it soon.  And knowing is a beautiful thing. 

Let It Go

My buddy Nycol sent this to me and I thought it was great (even though she sent as part of a chain e-mail -- tsk, tsk). It's attributed to T.D. Jakes:

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, "they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us." [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pain... LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

The Battle is the Lord's!