Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Brendan has developed the most annoying habit -- he expects equality in all things.  He doesn't get the concept that he is not a grown-up or that children and grown-ups have different rights or capabilities.  I'll be  ordering at a drive-through and he will suddenly shout out his order, throwing me off-track and confusing the person on the other end.  Or I'll take him to the store for shoes and, instead of waiting for me to tell the sales clerk that the shoe is too small or too big, he will holler directly to the clerk.  When I tell him that he has to wait for me to do certain things, he responds with "why?  It's my food/shoes, etc."  In those instances, if looks were electricity, his little butt would get a serious shock.

I have tried everything: speaking, scolding, not speaking, time-outs, to no avail; he insists on doing it and questioning everything.  If I tell him it's time to go to bed, he responds with, "you're not going to bed, why should I?"  If I tell him to brush his teeth, his response is typically, "are you going to brush yours?"  It is infuriating, to say the least.  Yet, Brendan is not a disrespectful or defiant child; he usually asks with wide-eyed innocence.  He just genuinely expects the rules to apply to everyone equally.

Growing up, our household was one where children were seen and not heard.  As a result, my siblings and I have tried to give our children voices.  My mother says that we "spoil" our children by allowing them to speak so freely.

In pondering the issue this morning after yet another bout of verbal sparring with my child, I finally realized what was irking me so much about Brendan's constant questioning of everything.  It was that by doing so, he called to light the hypocrisy in so many of the rules.  The "clean your room, or you get no allowance," where our room is in constant disarray.  The "no cursing" rule, where the first thing that comes out of Big Bren's mouth at the slightest annoyance is an expletive.   Ordering him to "be nice," when we often aren't nice ourselves.

And society isn't any different.  We have our elected leaders telling us how to live our lives, while the government is falling apart at the seams.  The countless governors espousing "family values," while their underage children are having kids out of wedlock or when they, themselves, are having affairs.  The governor who was a former Attorney General getting caught patronizing a prostitution ring.  The CEOs of companies allegedly "tightening the belt" by cutting workers' expenses and taking away perks, but they travel by corporate jet and give themselves exorbitant bonuses.  The prosecutors sending people to jail for perjury, but the government lying -- with no repercussions -- about the reasons for going to war with another country.

The fact of the matter is that we live in a "do as I say and not as I do" world.  The sad thing is that despite telling myself that I am giving Brendan a "voice," by scolding him when he exercises that voice, I am slowly muzzling him.  He may ask 20 questions today; tomorrow, it will be 10; the day after, it will be 5.  It would be easier to have a child who simply does as he is told, but I think I kind of like the fact that my child challenges the status quo.  Just as long as he doesn't question me too much.