Little kids are notoriously demanding; Brendan is no different. At times, we'll be in the midst of grocery shopping or cooking dinner and he'll insist on going to the playground or his friend's house or wherever else he suddenly thinks of. At those times, I've knelt down to his level, looked him in the eyes and told him as kindly and calmly as I could, "Brendan, right now is not about you. We have to finish doing what we're doing right now." If we were cooking, for instance, I'd say "We need to finish cooking, then eat dinner, then do the things we need to do to get ready for bed and the day tomorrow."The first few times I did this, Brendan was so taken aback that he stopped his demanding and went back to doing whatever he was doing before he decided that he needed to do something elese. Being the smart kid that he is, however, Brendan soon realized that there was something missing from our exchange and the next time time I gave him the spiel, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "that's fine, Mommy. But when will it be my turn? When does it get to be about me?"
By simply asking, Brendan turned the tables around and put the onus on me of finding a time just for him. So the conversation became, "after we cook dinner and eat, we'll go to the playground for 20 minutes, then we have to come back, take a bath, and brush our teeth. We'll only read one book today before bed because we're using that time to go to the park instead. Okay?" And, of course, "going to the park" could be anything, actually going to the park, the zoo, a play date with a friend, the pet store, etc.
The good thing about this is that Brendan has become conscious of the things that we do that are just for him and he appreciates it a little bit, instead of demanding more all the time.
Yesterday, I had an out-of-office meeting that ended early. I called Big Bren and asked him if he wanted to do something, just me and him, before the afternoon routine with the kids began. He responded: "I am at the DMV right now and then I have to go to Home Depot to get some things for the house. After that, the bus is going to drop off D and Brendan has to be picked up." In other words, "it's not about you right now." I fought the urge to whine, "well, when is going to be about me? When will it be my turn?" And had to smile as I hung up.
2 comments:
Wow, I must tell you, you are an amazing human being. I have never seen this way. I am so readily to give up my time. I never even stop to think that I am entitled to that time. We have so much to learn. This is well expressed. That way Brendan demanded his time. He didn't have to just take it. Despite of how young he is he knows his rights, his priviliges and how to get it. I pray to God that this knowledge and wisdom don't get lost along the way. I praise and worship the Lord for the saviness he had given you in being able to set limits, to give, to understand and be able to take and ask back. Very insightful. I learned a valuable lesson today. Love you.
Knowing little Bren as well as I do , I'm not surprise at his response. However I found it interesting how God turns situation around and allowed you to feel the same thing your child felt. Concept very well expressed. Learned a valuable lesson myself.
Thanks!
Marlen
Post a Comment